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He turned to his cousins for help and they arranged a meeting secretly from the family, in a hotel room, without giving any introduction as to the reason behind the emergency gathering. He decided to tell his brother and sisters before they heard it from a stranger.
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He returned to Australia a few months later, from a trip that gave him a big push to reveal the secret that had strained him for years. “I had the freedom of being away from the family, being able to explore myself without having to look over my shoulder all the time."
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There, he felt free to discover this aspect of his identity, away from his family, relatives and friends. It was during his final year of university, as an exchange student in France. No matter how many other good things I've done, because of the stigma that comes with being gay and homosexuality in the culture.”Īfter he turned 20, he finally accepted the reality, but in complete secrecy. "This fact would have made me the bad son. It was like my cover of trying to prove to people that I'm not gay.”įor him, accepting his homosexuality meant that he would not be a "good Arab son" in the eyes of his family. “I told people that I like this girl, I liked that girl, openly talked about all these girls in my life where I thought I had a crush on, but it wasn't really a crush. Just as he hid his cultural identity before and isolated himself socially, he was able to reject his homosexuality and fought it until he reached university, and he was able to convince himself and those around him of his attraction to girls. I guess that was the moment I was awakened totally.” I didn't understand what that was until later on in life, that was my awakening. “I remember, just being in my own world, looking at all these boys walking around in their Speedos. We are at the swimming carnival, the first major event of the school calendar of the year. "I remember that day, I hadn't been to school for months. The challenges of intercultural identity and stereotypes about Arab migrants consumed his energy so much that he ignored a very important aspect of his life, his sexual orientation. I think that all played a part in the shame I felt with being Palestinian.” There was Islamophobia, and racism towards Arabs in general, whether they are Muslims or not. But when 9/11 happened, it added another layer of being Palestinian and being Arab at the same time. “That was all over the media, before 9/11. He felt forced to hide his Palestinian heritage in order to be able to be accepted into the society around him. Jahshan faced new challenges at high school, linked to his Palestinian and Arab identity. But having said that, the pressure they put on me is nothing compared to the pressure I have put on myself.” 9/11 “Because I was the youngest, it also comes with that expectation I have that instead of two eyes on me from my parents and how well I do in school, I have got my sisters and my brother on my back as well making sure I do well at school. He made sure, from a young age, to make his parents and siblings proud. He says his parents were always proud of their Arab culture, and he felt that the family’s attachment to its traditions and the family togetherness became a sacred bond.
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He remembers that from a young age, his family cultivated a love of their culture, and he used to hear many stories from his father about his hometown in Palestine, and about Lebanon from his mother. It took time to come to terms with that." “When you have those listening skills robbed of you, it does affect your socialising. A normal hearing person probably could be able to hear them from a few metres away, but I could not. “Sometimes I walked into a room and see some kids laughing and instantly thought they are laughing at me, but I could never know, I had no idea, I could not hear what they were talking about, even if they were close up. Outside of the home, however, he encountered quite the opposite. I was very lucky to have their love and support. They loved me, took me everywhere with them. “My sisters and brother spoiled me all the time because there was a big age gap between us.
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Jahshan says he was raised in a home full of love, which helped during times when he had to deal with the effects of his hearing loss.